When big things happen in life, and we find ourselves recounting the tale of how it all unfolded, we look to the past to find all the pieces of the puzzle. The big things can be insights, profound meetings, or unexpected events that are transformative and have a significant impact on us or our lives.
But as we look at those puzzle pieces and wind out way back through time, we sometimes discover we must go back further than expected to collect all the moments that added up to this one pivotal experience.
When each of those significant moments initially occurred, which are so obvious in hindsight, we didn’t have any idea they were leading us anywhere and to anything of importance.
This made me think of two things.
One, is that whenever we feel like we aren’t making progress, or things aren’t happening, we can never be sure that we aren’t in one of those momentous unfoldings that we will only see when the culminating event occurs.
The other is that there is some inexplicable force in life that guides us through this maze of moments that lead us to something that matters. Sometimes, as we are navigating our way through the labyrinth, we act in ways that are the exact opposite of how we usually respond, or do things that are completely out of character.
What would it be like to live as though we are constantly in the process of something of value being orchestrated on our behalf? Even if we can’t see it yet, believe we are being guided and life is assisting us to grow into greater consciousness and love.
Pamela Alexander, PhD assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email psalexbus@gmail.com to see how you can utilize the power of dreams and soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.
It was a beautiful sunny day in Taos. The church at the end of the road was having a small new age fair. I checked out the tables of crystals, books, and essential oils, then signed up for a one-hour shamanic journeying experience. At the appointed time, I went to the yurt behind the church, sat on a bench inside, and waited for the instructor. I watched the others enter and giggled to myself when an elderly woman came in. She was lavender from head to toe, even her hair was purple. But the reason I chucked was because she looked like my (deceased) grandmother who was an artist, but an artist who wore conservative wool and tweed clothes, never purple.
The instructor assigned each of us a partner and then we took turns going on a shamanic journey for each other. When the woman who journeyed for me began to explain her experienced, it was as though I was there and could see it. She said:
You were kneeling on the ground beside a man who was dying. We were all gathered in a circle around you. Your love for him will change his death.
I’m not sure if she said more, but that’s all I remember. Since I didn’t know anyone who was dying, I had no idea what she was talking about. When I told my roommate about it, he freaked out, “It’s not me, is it?!??!” Of course, I didn’t know what to say because I was as clueless as he was. But, eventually, as time went on, the memory of the whole thing faded.
As the months went by, I decided to move back East and finish my masters degree in counseling psychology. When I was home, I stopped in to visit my paternal grandfather who was in a senior care facility with alzheimers. He had always been a tough character. My mother told me several stories about him that portrayed him as a very unhappy person, to say the least. We were afraid of him as kids and didn’t get too close.
Therefore, I was surprised when I visited him, because I found myself overwhelmed in his presence with love. Eventually, I couldn’t contain the feelings and told him, “I love you,” which I had never said before, nor felt. He looked at me with clear eyes and just said nonchalantly, “Thank you.”
I visited him one other time before he passed and the same thing happened again. My feelings for him completely shifted to this pure unfounded unconditional love.
Eventually, I tied the whole story together and realized the shamanic journey was about my grandfather. I believe his defensiveness, which was so strong on life and kept others away, melted with the alzheimers, and he was left in an undefended state. He was fully and completely open to receive love, maybe for the first time since infancy. And somehow, I was a match energetically and able to love him completely. If that woman was right, then my love changed his death, although I don’t know how. And, the woman in purple, I believe was my grandmother, and his wife. Once on the other side, she was free to be who she truly is as an artist, unfettered by the constraints of her husband and conservative community.
Religion and stories contain symbolic patterns that go into the unconscious and offer us ways to navigate the challenges in our lives. Dreams, then, are personal and guide us as an individual through our own journey in the context of the greater collective stories we are living. This is how we fit into the larger times in which we live.
Stories like Harry Potter, The Wizard of Oz, Game of Thrones (GOT), and Star Wars are examples of stories that are like the myths of today that are here to teach us and assist us in the transformation of consciousness of the collective. It’s obvious we are experiencing what feels like unprecedented challenges, chaos, and uncertainty. When I saw a photo online of a young woman wearing a GOT t-shirt that said “Winter is Coming,” my hair stood on end. Above the phrase on her shirt was a crown. Eventually, I realized it could have been pointing to the corona virus. Crown, coronation, corona, they are all related.
We incarnate to transform these patterns.
I believe that we incarnate to transform these patterns and bring them into harmony with greater truth. Then the stories reveal the larger collective paradigms that are changing. Our experiences, especially during childhood, lay the ground for the patterns we are here to resolve. It’s as though the seeds are planted when we are young, seeds that come from the ancestral tree, and then repeat throughout our lives until we bring them to consciousness and embody the self we truly are. Until that moment, we live in and from the conditioned self.
Different people resonate with different stories.
And our lives often reflect the ones we gravitate to indicating which ones we are likely to be experiencing. This may not be obvious, since the stories are symbolic and not literal. Once you are able to penetrate to the deeper meaning you can see the patterns and how they relate to us and our lives more clearly.
The dreams, your dreams, are helping you every day to break free of the conditioning you received in childhood to live in freedom, joy, wholeness, peace, and love. That’s what happily ever after is in the fairy tales, and “I am the Alpha and the Omega” is in Christianity, or to become like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven which is at hand. It’s here now, and we can live in it when we are able to shift our identification from ego to self.
I have created a new free 4-part video series based on a well-known fairy tale. In these videos, I am revealing what’s hidden by the symbolism and sharing how it not only relates to our lives but is showing us how to overcome challenges.
Please consider joining me by clicking on this linkHERE.
Pamela Alexander, PhD assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email psalexbus@gmail.com to see how you can utilize the power of dreams and soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.
(As I wrote in my journal this morning, my intuition suggested I share this old story of the tomato man. When I went on FB (before working on this post) I shared a quote I found about the possibility of angels and otherworldly beings walking among us. I didn’t make the connection until a few minutes ago when I remembered how many times I had unusual encounters with strangers that deeply moved me to the point of tears. And not just little tears, but the big over-the-top-and-can’t-stop crying jags. I’m left wondering if this too was one of those experiences.) (Audio available here.)
Even though I saw him yesterday, his clear blue eyes are still etched in my memory this morning, and I can’t stop crying. He sat on a corner in town, on the cement sidewalk, and leaned against a boarded-up vacant theater. In front of him lay plain white plastic shopping bags and an old frayed straw hat, which held a handful of change.
In the span of a few brief moments, he managed to climb into my heart and take up residence there.
As my cousin, Sharon, my friend’s daughter, and I walked through town looking in shop windows, I noticed him up ahead. I usually give money. But for some reason on this day, maybe I was distracted, I was about to walk by without doing so, when I saw Sharon reach into her purse. She leaned over as she walked by and put some money into his straw hat. Her action prompted me to stop and pull a bill out of my wallet. I folded it and tossed it into the hat. He extended a bag of tomatoes out to Sharon and called for her to come back. She stopped, turned, and explained she had some already. No doubt she probably had a garden full of them, since she was a farmer too. Then he turned and offered the bag to me. I saw that it contained several good size tomatoes by the manner in which the bag hung from his hand. I declined as well, saying I also had tomatoes already, which I did.
Now that I reflect on it, we were probably not the first ones to say no thank you to his outstretched hand holding a white bag of red tomatoes, but now I regret having not accepted his offer.
There he was, willing to exchange a bag of tomatoes for anything that was given to him. There wasn’t a set price for the bag; he was essentially giving them away for twenty-five cents, fifty cents, or whatever was tossed into his hat. In generosity and kindness, he wished to share what he had to give, and we didn’t accept it.
I wonder now where he grew them. Where was his little garden? Was it laid out neatly behind a small house or trailer he called home? Or did he live on the streets and in the alleys? Did he search for a small patch of land somewhere to plant his seeds? Or maybe it was in his back yard.
Who is he? And why does he sit on the corner offering his tomatoes at any price? And why didn’t I say more? Or accept what he had to give? I could have said something kind to acknowledge him.
In return for the few dollars I tossed into his hat, what he shared with me had so much more value than what I gave to him. And so much more than he will ever realize. He gave a piece of my heart back to me. In the space of a moments encounter, he cleansed an old wound, and for that, I am eternally grateful. His generosity made an imprint not only in my mind, but in my heart as well, because he gave without a thought as to what he received in return.
How long did he sit there after we walked by at 4PM? Did he wait until the sun was low on the horizon to return home from that corner the way a farmer comes in from the fields? Or did he do no more than walk a block and turn into an alley that I had walked past earlier? Who is he? How did he end up where he is now? Does he have anyone waiting for him to return home? Do those of us who casually pass by without a second glance realize the depth of blessing within our own lives?
Do we see the blessing in accepting what is offered to us?
I still see the kindness and clarity of his eyes.
He was a small man with a five o’clock shadow at one o’clock in the afternoon. Some of his teeth were missing and his face was deeply etched. He wore blue jeans and a tan shirt. His straw hat was yellow. Beside him lay the white plastic bags that held the red tomatoes. How little all that matters. What I wish I could remember, but don’t know, is the depth of his soul. What I didn’t take the time to connect with was his humanity. The only things I remember worth remembering are his kind eyes and generous heart.
And now I will say what I wish I had said to you yesterday as you offered a bag of red tomatoes to me. May God bless you. May you always be safe and warm. May you feel the protection of a warm cloak of love around you at all times to ward off any discomfort. May the abundance and joy of this world dance from your dreams into your life and fill it beyond measure. May your days overflow with love, light, and wonder. May all who pass your way accept, see, and value you and the gifts you offer. May God send an army of angels to you to alleviate any lack or suffering you may experience. And for myself, I ask for greater awareness. May I remain fully present the next time I pass your way to see you, love you, and connect with you. I hope that you never doubt how very much your presence matters. How grateful I am to have spent even a moment in the presence of your greatness. Amen.
Pamela Alexander, PhD assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email pamela@WisdomoftheSwan.com to see how you can utilize the power of dreams and soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.
My mother raised me to believe we have to be totally independent. Especially growing up in America, with self-reliance being a virtue, it’s been somewhat easy to delude oneself into thinking it’s true. It’s been a part of my own journey to unravel that assumption she had that you should only ever depend on yourself…
As I watched the sprint winner of the tenth stage in the Tour de France the other night, he said how humbled he was by the experience. In case you don’t know, the riders are on teams. Some of which work together to achieve certain goals, while others are on their own. Sometimes a team will select the one they think has a chance of winning and that rider will draft the others. That helps because the riders in the back don’t expend as much energy as those in the front. So, the potential winner, is led by the others. At the right time, say for the sprint, the selected rider leaves the others behind and has more energy available to try to win.
So the sprint winner from the other night was surrounded, once again, throughout almost the entire race, by his team members. He jokingly calls the two that are always with him, his “babysitters.” His comment to reporters afterwards was that he was humbled because world class riders guided him almost the entire way to the finish and set him up to win.
Then it seemed strange to me, that the winner stands alone on the podium. You’d think that at least his babysitters would be there with him. There’s no way he would have made it without them and then it dawned on me, there were more too, behind the scenes, that also helped. It’s really such a huge team effort, you end up going down a rabbit hole the more you think about it. The list of his support is endless.
As I considered this, I realized how we are all supported in ways too that aren’t always obvious. Our hearts beat, we breathe in and out, food digests, eyes blink, and our immune system stands at the ready. I know, that’s merely the tip of the iceberg as far as the body is concerned, and we don’t have to do anything to make any of it happen. Ideas spontaneously appear in my mind, poems and stories come to me, fully formed, which I only need to write down. I sit with a canvas, and without thought, apply paint until I see a beautiful image magically surface. Without any formal training I can paint. Dreams come nightly, like a dialogue between me and my dream source for me to align me more fully to a greater truth.
I was late going to the farmer’s market Friday night. When I walked around, I noticed a booth I hadn’t seen before. It was sprouts! I excitedly got in line, since I love them. There was a young boy wearing a California t-shirt who was helping his dad. He asked what I wanted and since he was collecting the money, I paid him and asked if he’d been to California. “No”, he responded his family went, but not him. Then his dad asked what part I’d been too. I told them I went to Pacifica in Santa Barbara, which got the typical oohs and ahhs because it’s so beautiful there. The two young women in front of me, waiting for the dad to finish cutting their sprouts, piped up and said they’d just moved here from Orange County and the one woman said she almost went to Pacifica. All of this took place in a town on the east coast. The statistical improbability of such a random encounter is astronomical.
When these synchronicities, or coincidences, happen, I’m always astonished. What the heck is organizing these “chance encounters” and how on Earth are they put together? The infinitesimal level of detail that’s required to make it happen is mind-boggling. And I assume that there are probably times when things don’t align perfectly as well.
There could never be a sole winner of the Tour, even if only one person stands on the stage. And that goes for life. We are all so tremendously supported. In ways we see and realize, and in ways we don’t. My guides responded to my insights and added, “It doesn’t matter what you believe. Just because you believe something doesn’t make it true. Everyone is loved and supported. No one needs to believe it, see it, or acknowledge it, to make it happen or true. It’s just the way it is.” I think it’s fairly safe to assume that the energy which is behind all of this unfolding must love us. We certainly must live in a benevolent universe.
Pamela Alexander, PhD assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email pamela@WisdomoftheSwan.com to schedule a free call to see how you can utilize soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.
The dreaming world is not the same as our waking one. It doesn’t play by the same rules and we aren’t bound by the same limitations. The magical laws that govern that territory transcend what we believe is physically possible. Our sense of who we are and what we are capable of are suspended each night as we descend into the land of sleep.
My mother had a stroke several years ago that paralyzed the left side of her body and impacted her ability to communicate. I asked her if she was able to walk and speak clearly in her dreams and she said yes. As far as the dreams were concerned, the stroke never happened. In her current situation, that might feel like a nightmare, but it’s not how she describes her nightmares. What she considers distressing dreams are the same ones you and I would find upsetting and frustrating. Her nightmares are more reflective of the frustrations of her waking state than waking up from the freedom of her nocturnal wanderings.
Of course, so are ours.
Since I believe dreams have purpose, intention, and meaning, I wondered why her waking physical limitations aren’t reflected in her dreams. I see dreams as encouraging us to expand how we perceive ourselves, assisting us in the resolution of emotion, growing, healing, and transforming beliefs that don’t serve our evolving selves. I also thought about the new science and what they say happens when we shift consciousness.
What if, her dreams were showing her what’s possible beyond what she currently conceives? She thinks her situation is unchangeable. But between neuroplasticity, placebo, and other advances, it appears as though some level of healing may exist. If she could believe that it was an option. I acknowledge that she may be fine with what’s occurred. She doesn’t seem particularly happy or unhappy.
Are the dreams attempting to demonstrate to her what she is capable of achieving? They say the body and mind don’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. So the dream could be seen as the imagination actively pursuing an alternative path and laying the neural groundwork to make it a reality. Just a thought…
I may have written previously about a dream that I had years ago. I stood on a huge map of my birth state with a guy and pointed to where the capital was saying, “That’s where I was born.” For some reason I was quite pleased about this. As I walked away from him, another guy approached me and threw a solar eclipse at my third eye (energy center, or chakra, between the eyes). I said, “Oh,” suggesting on some level that I understood the meaning of his action.
My interpretation was that I was limiting my sense of self by believing I was “born” in a specific time and place on the Earth. From a spiritual perspective, it’s not true. We were alive before we were born and we don’t die. Our consciousness merely enters and leaves this reality via the body, which comes into being and is eventually left behind. Although, I knew this before the dream, I wasn’t living the deeper implications of this truth, which may be what triggered the dream.
I also had dreams about being an artist long before I was aware that I had any talent. The theme repeated nightly, for a while, until I took a few classes, and was informed that I was gifted by several teachers. I never would have known that I was an artist, nor would I have even tried, if it hadn’t been for those dreams. They suggested a path I didn’t even imagine was for me. After twenty-plus years of following the dreams that’s barely the tip of the iceberg as to how they have repeatedly opened vistas into areas I never thought about.
Are you aware of the ways your dreams may be encouraging you to expand your sense of what’s possible for you? Life’s natural movement is toward health, well-being, wholeness, and freedom. The dreams can reveal the magical nature of our waking lives and guide us toward our highest potential. If we are open to it…
In the Old Testament, Lot, his wife, and two daughters were told to not look back as they fled from Sodom. What did Lot’s wife see when she disobeyed these orders from God and dared to glance back over her shoulder as they ran? The city was being destroyed by fire and brimstone because the residents were corrupt.
The only interpretation that I have ever heard (there probably are others) about this story was that she was stuck in the past, and since she wasn’t supposed to look back, God punished her for not obeying his command. She was turned into a pillar of salt. That’s what I heard in church anyway. Obey or you will be punished. End of story.
As a symbologist and dreamworker though, I am often intuitively guided to explore certain images. And as you might have guessed, this is one of the stories I have delved into a bit deeper. In this parable, the old is destroyed by fire, which is a purification and since she’s looking back, we might say she’s looking in. It could be at her past, her reactions, or merely what’s happening. When we witness what’s occurring without reaction and maintain stillness, what we see is transformed.
When Lot’s wife did look, she was turned to a pillar of salt. A pillar is a strong, sturdy, upright architectural element that’s critical to structural integrity of a building. If someone is called a “pillar of the community,” then they are perceived as being an upstanding citizen who is of significance.
Salt is a substance that is critical for life. Salt of the Earth. In alchemy it is referred to as a permanent substance, which means it doesn’t change. When we free ourselves from, in this case, challenging emotions or desires, we stand still and watch them come and go. We root in the permanent stillness and silence that always exists within. If we get caught up in the flow of a passion, let’s say art or music, then it has the ability to place us firmly in the territory of heart and ultimately stillness as well.
What happens when we dare to look within? For most of us, sitting and watching the old forms collapse is frightening, since they represent the foundation upon which we depended for stability. In many instances, it is the ground which we rely on for security that has been handed down to us from previous generations. Our fears can get triggered when the world around us crumbles and can activate a fight, flight, or freeze response. That is the critical moment we need the inner strength to witness, like Lot’s wife, what’s happening within or outside of us.
Another interesting point about Lot’s wife is that the feminine “breaks the rules” repeatedly in stories. From Psyche and Eros, to Cinderella, and Rapunzel, they are transformed by defying the outer authority. In the case of Psyche (Greek for soul) it was the moment of her rebirth and empowerment. It was then that she became a goddess.
What did Lot’s wife see rising from the ashes of the old when she defied authority and looked? She alone remained standing watch, as the others fled, and became a pillar of salt as a result. Sophia is the Greek word for Wisdom, and the divine feminine whom the Gnostics in the Nag Hammadi referred to as, “a pillar of salt.”
As a woman sat pregnant with a long-awaited baby, she gazed at a garden below from her upstairs window. Since her longing for a child was being satisfied, it was replaced by another longing for that which grew in her neighbor’s garden below-Rapunzel lettuce. Her husband noticed that day-after-day his wife sat looking out the window and was slowly wasting away. He inquired as to what had captured her interest so keenly. She told him about the old woman’s lettuce. The husband was uncertain what to do. If he fulfilled her desire and got caught, the old woman would kill him. On the other hand, if he didn’t try, then it was obvious his wife would die.
That evening, as soon as it got dark, he went downstairs, climbed over the garden wall, and stole some lettuce. When he returned from work the following day, there his wife still sat, gazing out the window. What’s this? She needed more of that lettuce? What he acquired the day before only served to whet her appetite, which was increasing. Concerned for the health of his wife, he decided to return to the garden that night. As he was about to climb back over the wall, with the lettuce in hand, he heard the old woman behind him. He quickly explained the situation and his worry regarding his wife’s health.
The old woman made a deal with him. He could have all the lettuce his wife wanted but there was a condition. When the baby was born, she would live with the old woman. The father agreed.
When our longing is for something in the world, and we receive it, we may discover that it didn’t satisfy our desire after all. Because of our conditioning, we often believe that since that didn’t do it, maybe something else will. We resume the search again for the next shiny new object. A sense of fulfillment may be experienced temporarily, but often it is eventually replaced as another idea takes hold. If only this would happen, then I will be happy.
Baby Rapunzel is taken from her parents by the old woman to live behind the walls, since the parents don’t know how to take care of her. The child represents the soul, the walls are the unconscious, and the old woman protects that which is vulnerable. While in isolation, the young feminine learns through tending the garden about nature, cycles, seasons, the phases of growth, and the body. At thirteen, the old woman moves Rapunzel to a tower deep in the forest.
Once she has learned about the feminine and soul, she goes up into the tower to connect with the masculine and spirit. And guess who arrives? This is when the prince shows up and they receive a vision for her life in which the soul and spirit are united in the world. They come up with a plan, and the prince brings the materials for Rapunzel to weave a rope, which will be utilized for their escape.
You can see this repetitive up and down movement throughout the story. Many people are working on healing traumas right now and dreams of going up, coming down, and the unconscious can appear during such times.
If you find yourself up and afraid to come down off that high platform, it can be an indication that you’ve been triggered by fight or flight, have gone into your head to cope, and can’t get out of the minds gyrations. What can be helpful under such circumstances, upon waking, is to intentionally bring your awareness down into your body. Focus on the heart, the belly, the breath, or do a body scan starting with the feet and go as slow as you can.
Then, when you are able, review the previous day or dream to determine what the trigger was and find the feeling in your body. Where is it, accept it, sit with the sensation, and allow it to be. If the mind attempts to intervene to avoid the discomfort, try gently returning your awareness to the body and breathe.
If there is trouble trying to go up, is there a need to meditate, get a vision, or receive the nourishment of a connection with spirit? Generally, I see the issue as more about coming down than going up with clients and in my own dreams.
The thwarting of desire can trigger an old trauma to be healed. It’s an opportunity to grow and deepen into a greater truth. The conditioned illusion is that the fulfillment of our desire will make us feel complete. In many stories, there’s often a final deepening into the unconscious before the heroine, as the soul, emerges into the world. As the final phase in the initiatory journey, Rapunzel’s desire to escape with the prince is prevented, and instead she must descend from the tower and go to the desert.
Because Rapunzel believed she had to escape from the tower, it’s an indication that the old woman still had Rapunzel’s power. If she didn’t clear that before she went into the world, she would have walked into another situation where she gave her power away again. Maybe to the prince, but regardless, she must reclaim her power from all of the places she projected it. When she finally connects with the truth of who she really is, then she gives birth to twins, which represent the union of soul, below, and spirit, above.
That is why the up and down occurred, to weave the two together. Go up, connect to spirit, come down into the body as soul, and try to live it in the world. Remaining conscious of the presence of spirit and bringing it into our activities. This is embodied wisdom as we live the truth. It’s a wholeness that doesn’t depend on things of the world to feel complete.
What happens during these final initiatory phases of uniting the above and below, or Heaven and Earth? The soul discovers the truth of its own inherent wholeness, power, and freedom. Spirit is recognized within and her happiness does not depend on outer circumstances. Once this test is completed, no one has to give the heroine permission for anything. Rapunzel is free to do whatever she wants. She recognizes her own power and takes fearless action on her own behalf. The soul has become aware of its true identity and is living it in the world.
Pamela Alexander, PhD assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email pamela@WisdomoftheSwan.com to schedule a free session to see how you can utilize soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.
My time at my grandparent’s farm was idyllic. Their home was a place of peace, calm, and love in the midst of a chaotic childhood. They lived a simple life and our holidays looked like a Norman Rockwell painting. I went to the woods with grandpa and my sister to cut down the Christmas tree, baked holiday cookies with Gram, wrapped presents, and attended Christmas Eve candlelight service. On summer evenings, we picked vegetables in the garden and then sat in the front yard with big tin buckets of green beans in our laps. The sound of snapping beans was interspersed with occasional conversation, crickets chirping, and frogs croaking. It was home for me, and Gram was the glue that held the family together.
Then she died, which marked the ending of those idyllic Christmases, waking up to the smell of the Thanksgiving turkey roasting in the oven, or attending Easter morning services at the country church up the road from the farm. When Gram passed, grandpa got an apartment in town, and my aunt and uncle moved into their house.
I was surprised to discover the first time I went back to the house that it didn’t feel like home anymore. It was the same house but it felt entirely different. Even being with my grandpa didn’t feel the same when I visited him in town.
As a depth psychologist who loves doing process work and culling the wisdom from experience, I realized what I missed was how I felt. Whenever I was with my grandparents on the farm, I felt whole. Was it the slowness of our life? The feeling of being loved and safe? The kindness of my grandparents, their neighbors, extended family, and the church parishioners?
I know, from working with the idea of wholeness for so long, that in the experience of it, nothing is missing.
The feeling was inside me then and still is now. We say, “I am home” like we say, “I am happy,” or “I am sad,” which made me look at the statement differently. I am home. There’s something in this that seems important right now, because the world feels as chaotic and confusing as the rest of my childhood did.
How do we find refuge from the storm of conflict and craziness that’s occurring?
We may look in the world for a place that evokes a sense of home but there isn’t anything to find, since we are the place of peace, calm, and love. We are the refuge, which can be replenishing, nourishing, renewing, and transforming.
Pamela Alexander, PhD helps dreamers cultivate the wisdom of their dreams as a way to navigate life, find deeper meaning, stability, and purpose. Email pamela@WisdomoftheSwan.com to schedule a free session to see how you can utilize dreamwork to embody your fullest potential.
I was speaking with a friend the other day about how things have changed since February. We agreed that we seem to be more fractured than ever with everyone’s beliefs all over the place. In the past, it seemed like we were solidly aligned with, say a political party, but now feel split between the ideas of each party. Even wondering who to vote for, which wasn’t questioned in the past.
At first, I was surprised, but more and more I’m finding less common ground with my closest friends. Nothing can be assumed any more. The issues that are dividing and separating us are caught up in strong emotions.
I hung up from our conversation with a feeling of sadness that we were drifting apart. The sense of connection seems to be diminished. It’s not the first time this has happened either. In the past six months, it’s occurred with several friends. I was left in each situation wondering if we would stay friends or not. And as I sat with the feeling of loss, loneliness, and isolation, I sensed a fragility to my relationships. I realized that I had, just like so many others, based my friendships on shared ideologies. I wouldn’t have ever said that was true, until the moment I had that insight.
Things are changing and relationships are shifting. This is another aspect of the breaking down that creates the space for something new to emerge. It came to me in a conversation with another friend that we are being called to go deeper. To not identify with our beliefs and be so emotionally invested in them that we see them as a foundation for connection. This is common knowledge to those of us on the spiritual path, but to live it is another thing entirely. There’s even a meditation practice in which we view our thoughts as clouds passing in the sky in order to realize that they aren’t who we are.
Of course, the ego doesn’t agree with that, but it seems as though the times are asking us to move beyond our old ways of being to something that is truer. If we can let go of what we think as defining our identity and embrace the heart and soul, then maybe we can unite and connect at a deeper level. Can we view those with different beliefs like eccentric family members who we love despite their eccentricities?
I was on the receiving end of that once. It was in a job where I felt different from those I worked with, but I had this sense that they loved me like a quirky aunt with unusual interests. It was such a nice feeling to be accepted as I was, not just accepted, I felt loved. Can we do that for everyone?
When we feel emotionally overwhelmed by someone else’s beliefs, can we question what story we are telling ourselves about the situation? Our emotions may be transformed by sitting with them, until we are in the heart. Sometimes, once we are in that space, we can see the situation anew and gather insights into what motivates the other.
I’m noticing with my friends that if we are able to withstand the differences between us, we are moving into a place of deeper love and connection with each other. It may be easier to begin to practice with our friends and family, then we might consider moving beyond them to those with strongly held opposing views. Not to determine who is right or wrong, but to love them exactly as they are, like an eccentric relative.
How else can we begin to bridge the divide and create more peace if not through a heart that unites? Yours and mine.
Wisdom of the Swan 