Not Knowing: A Space for Something New

I talked to my sister the other day about the anxiety she’s been feeling since moving to a new location. She has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum as she is experiencing an unprecedented amount of uncertainty and change in her life. The main trigger for her is being in novel situations and not knowing what’s going to happen.

In accepting not knowing, there’s the space created for something new, a new part of us, to come forward. As we become comfortable with not knowing, we are open to change and transformation, like the caterpillar in the chrysalis. It’s a space of emptiness that requires us to breathe and be patient. If we can just allow the uncertainty to be there, then we won’t rush to fill it because we feel uncomfortable.

(one butterfly watches as another emerges from the chrysalis)

Confusion and chaos can be qualities associated with this phase of change. Accepting the way things are, in a transitory state, between the old and the new story, builds strength, stability, and trust. If we expect the outcome to be good, and believe the universe is a friendly place, then we can relax and feel ease, knowing all is well and unfolding perfectly. Leaning into the greater truths of the universe.

A gift of not knowing can be that we aren’t anticipating a particular outcome but are available to something new. It can trigger discomfort because it’s unfamiliar. Accepting that discomfort is just a part of not knowing because it’s unfamiliar can alleviate some of the anxiety during this time.

This is the initiatory process of transitioning from an old story into a new story, from an old version of us into a new one that we have never been before. The mind cannot figure it out since it’s reference points are all based on the past. Feeling lost, confused, uncertain, and uncomfortable are all okay when you are in the midst of change.

It would be ideal to feel excited, knowing something amazing is on its way. Greater truth is emerging and a life that’s more aligned. This is why letting go of what is is so important. We can hold on to the familiar out of fear of the uncertainty of not knowing what’s coming. This reminds me of the photographer who took pictures of people on a roller coaster as they began the downward plunge of the ride. He discovered that there were two kinds of people. One group were white knuckling it and clearly afraid. The other had their hands in the air and were screaming with delight. It is said that excitement and fear are the same.

Most of us have had times in our lives when we did approach not knowing with excitement, like when we were children waking up on Christmas morning. When we anticipate good, believing the world and life are on our side, then we can relax into the space of the unknown, throw our hands into the air, and scream with delight.

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a transformational coach, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Learn more about Pamela and her offerings at www.WisdomoftheSwan.com.

Expectation Influences Response

My friend Chris, a friend of hers, and I conducted a healing ceremony for the collective around the warrior who is unable to see the young feminine (soul) because of conditioning. In preparation for becoming a fighter, one must learn to energetically armor up, to defend and protect, which usually means a disconnection from emotion and the soul.

After we concluded the ceremony, Chris’s friend went to the bathroom. A few minutes later she called to us and we both went into the bathroom. There, on the edge of the tub, was this huge bug. But, instead of being afraid, we were curious. “What is it?”

It was Chris’s house and she knew exactly what it was, “a wood roach.” I bent over to get a closer look. “It’s funny,” I said, “It appears as though it is wearing sunglasses, like it’s blind,” which reminded us of the healing work we just did with the warrior. “And look at it’s antennae,” I continued, “they’re bouncing to the beat of the music.”

As we all marveled at how interesting the bug was, Chris remarked, “You know what’s strange? Normally, when I see one and I’m going to squish it, it runs away.” At that exact moment, the roach scurried off.

I immediately realized that it sensed the intention and responded to it. Even though she was merely saying the words, it reacted immediately.

When I was interpreting the Handless Maiden, I got this idea about an approach to life which I called “open-curiosity.” It was this part where there was a reference to a deer, which I perceived as being openly curious. My grandfather told me that a deer would come right up to you if you sat still and just moved one finger slowly back and forth.

That’s what our initial engagement was with the roach, just open and curious. We weren’t defended and protective, which allowed us to have a unique experience with the insect. It was obviously a learning opportunity as well, to see that our expectations and habitual responses can influence what we encounter.

How do we remain present to see each moment with new eyes and not react in the ways we have been conditioned to respond? One possible way to start is with the intention first thing in the morning, to remain present and open to new ways of perceiving that which we may believe is merely a repetition of the old. What do you do?

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a transformational coach, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Learn more about Pamela and her offerings at www.WisdomoftheSwan.com.

Shining Your Light

In “Beauty and the Beast,” the Beast repeatedly tells Beauty she’s free–can have and do whatever she pleases. She has difficulty assimilating this truth because of her prior conditioning. At one point, when he asks her to marry him yet again, she declines as usual and admits she won’t ever change her mind. He has one request he says, to promise to never leave him. She agrees, with one caveat…

She wishes to go home and see her family, who believe she’s dead, to let them know that she’s alive, doing well, and happy. He just asks her to return within a week to which she promises.

When she wakes up in her own bed, she realizes she doesn’t have anything to wear. But Beast, ever considerate of her needs, has sent a trunk of beautiful dresses. As Beauty looks at the dresses in all their splendor, she chooses the simplest one and decides to give the rest to her sisters. The trunks immediately disappear and Beast informs her father that she has to wear the dresses and isn’t to share them.

The sisters are extremely jealous when they see Beauty is more beautiful than ever. They sneer at her stunning dresses and her happy life with Beast.

Why does Beast insist upon her wearing the dresses which she knew would upset her sisters?

Because she needs to let her light shine, even in the midst of those who conditioned her to play small, hide, and be quiet. They felt diminished whenever any of her light inadvertently slipped out from under the cloak that concealed her truth. And now Beast insists that she stand in her light, and remain unwavering, even amid their displeasure.

These are two aspects of Beauty. This polarity is between the part of her that believes she can have what she wants and deserves, and the part that believes she can’t and doesn’t.

The sisters, we might think, are a bad thing, but they aren’t. This is the part of Beauty that protected her as a child. She may have learned to hide herself because it wasn’t safe to shine. This aspect of her came to believe she couldn’t have what she needed or wanted. And she may have looked around and saw that others had what she didn’t. They are the part that says, stay hidden, small, and silent. Don’t be vulnerable, which of course is exactly what it feels like to challenge this old way of thinking.

How then is this resolved? The story tells us she must shine in all her glory and ignore the naysayer voices in her head as it chatters on. She has to stand in her truth as the fears arise in order to transcend the old conditioning and reach a new level of consciousness. When she does this, they become unable to touch her and eventually fade away. They lose their power over her. And she becomes free to be herself.

But, remember how Beast asked her to return within a week? The devious sisters pretend to be distressed about her departure and delay her. Finally, after a dream in which the Beast is dying of a broken heart, she realizes what she is allowing to happen and makes a decision. She consciously chooses to leave the old consciousness behind and returns freely to the Beast.

Making the decision to be in the abundance, love, and freedom of life with the Beast transforms them both as they reach a new level of consciousness. The old story is a relic of the past as she comes into her power and shines her light.

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a transformational coach, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Learn more about Pamela and her offerings at www.WisdomoftheSwan.com.

Life as Initiation: A Synchronicity

As I planned to write this today, I first stopped by my FB business page to check on an ad that was running. There was a message that my account was locked because of copyright infringement. I questioned the message because almost everything I post there is my own content. When I clicked on the link, it was a dud. So, I contacted FB and after 18 minutes a young man from Southeast Asia called to help me. He immediately informed me that the message was a scam.

I said I had a few more questions about the ad and when he clicked on it he hesitated saying he wanted to read it. After a pause, he shared that he was interested. I began to explain the course in more detail and he said he had chills. At that point I knew, this wasn’t a random call and I was to share something with this young man. I told him I believed the scam message was merely a way for the Universe to connect us, since it’s happened to me many times before.

He got choked up, his heart was pounding and he was shaking as he felt the truth of what we were sharing in his body. I explained how life loved him so much that it brought us together, on opposite ends of the planet, to let him know to follow his heart and learn more about the spiritual interests of his partner.

So, you might be wondering what I originally planned to write about?

The inspiration was a note in my journal which was a detail about perceiving life as an initiation. When we do look at life this way and encounter a challenge, intended to bring out a new aspect of us, life is in full support. It does so by sending us exactly what we need at that moment we need it to guide us forward. This is obvious in some of the fairy tales, like Cinderella sorting the legumes, or Psyche facing the tasks given to her by Venus.

This is exactly what I was going to write about and exactly what happened with this young man from FB. Life is truly magical and on your side. We are never without love and support if we are open to seeing and receiving it.

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a teacher, transformational coach, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Learn more about Pamela and her offerings at www.WisdomoftheSwan.com.

Freedom from the Story

My dream last night spoke to the confines of the story we inherit which isn’t spacious enough for the truth of who we are. The nature of life and the soul is to expand which can be experienced as pressure against the story. It’s that impulse, that feeling, of desire for something to change. It’s an illusory boundary that we feel and want to move beyond.

The story, according to my poetry, is a vessel to protect the soul until it reaches that point where it feels a nudge toward something that may initially seem inexplicable. If we are receptive to that inkling of a feeling welling up, we begin to question and look deeply at the life we are living. The story is like the casing on a seed.

Eventually, the seed expands which causes the shell to crack and then the first tendrils of what is delicate and vulnerable begins to unfurl. It bursts through the old story of what it believed it was to begin the journey to discovery into the greater truth of what it is and can be. Each step goes beyond what’s known, as it feels it’s way forward from the darkness of the depths to the light and warmth, seeking to unite the above and below, the light and dark.

It leaves the shattered old form behind as it’s unnecessary for us to carry it with us as we emerge and burst forth into the light, the truth, of who we really are. Free of the past we are in a new reality. We aren’t the story. There is no past, only the life force flowing through form in this moment, giving consciousness shape, no story, just what it — this room, this body, these thoughts, the emptiness.

Freedom. Each step into the unknown as we unfurl and expand to embody more of the truth of who we really are. Whole and complete.

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a teacher, transformational coach, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Learn more about Pamela and her offerings at www.WisdomoftheSwan.com.

Our Value: Rising from the Ashes

When I first looked at the symbolism associated with 9-11, as though it was a collective dream, one of the insights was that commerce and work would change. What I saw was that there would be a decentralization, a movement from hierarchical structures to more grounded ways of exchange. At the time that I looked at this, I didn’t know how it would unfold, but now it’s becoming clearer.

Since then, more of the workforce wants to work from home, the creator economy is booming, creativity is expanding, and the future implications of the impact of AI are being explored. What’s being suggested is that the number of jobs that will be replaced by tech is staggering.

One of the implications is that we’ve been conditioned to believe our value is shaped by the work we do. So, what happens when that job disappears and it’s all you’ve ever known?

This will require a change from looking out for our value to discovering it within. It will mean we share what is rising in us, following the impulse of life that desires to create through us. Our values will change and evolve from consumption, and searching for fulfillment from things of the world, to expression of the beauty that exists in us. It will be a movement to beauty, simplicity, and connection. What will allow us to do this? Realization of our innate value and understanding that who you are, whatever you choose to give, to share from your heart, is of value and will contribute to the reality of a world that is more enjoyable for all.

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a teacher, transformational coach, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Learn more about Pamela and her offerings at www.WisdomoftheSwan.com.

Not Knowing & Trust

When we don’t know how a situation will resolve, we are in the unknown. This can trigger the ego into a feeling of not being safe. We usually learn to interpret a situation like this as a problem to be fixed. The idea being to get the feeling to stop and avoid the fear of not knowing. Our egos depend on the illusion that the world around us is stable and consistent to feel safe.

The unknown can be perceived instead as an opportunity to grow in consciousness.

In the Handless Maiden fairy tale, the heroine’s sense of trust is broken by her parents which means they aren’t safe anymore. So, she decides to leave home to embark upon the journey to learn to trust again. Her father says he will take care of her, but she declines his offer and chooses instead to surrender her well-being to Providence. We see this in other fairy tales as well, which means it’s important to the development of consciousness.

When we, as ego, can do nothing to change a situation

we are called on to surrender to something beyond ego.

With arms tied behind her back, the Handless Maiden leaves home, or the consciousness of the parents to see where life takes her. She meets a king and marries him, but they are both triggered into feelings of not being safe and she’s on her way again. But this time, she ends up in a cabin deep in the forest. This symbolizes a descent into the unconscious to transform her fear into trust.

If we let go of trying to control the situation and sit with not knowing, then allow the uncomfortable sensations in the body to be there, the fear diminishes. Just witnessing what arises because of the situation at hand is enough, consciousness does the work of transformation. There isn’t anything to “do,” but just “be.” It will evolve on it’s own and trust will naturally appear. Although, the process may need to be repeated, it does diminish each time.

When the Handless Maiden’s husband comes to a cabin in the forest, there is a sign over the door that reads, “All are welcome here.” Meaning they have both been healed. She has shifted her sense of safety from the world of form to Spirit. Knowing that whatever happens, life is occurring for her. This situation that initially seemed so tragic, was an opportunity for her to grow and ultimately for her highest good.

Life is happening for us.

Trust is one of the paradigms for the new earth.

Butterfly, Butterfly

butterfly, butterfly
Show me the way
To love and to freedom
And just how to play

You came to this world
In a form that wasn’t you
You had to let go
Of what you thought was true

The days and the nights
Had become all the same
You knew you had to change
There was no one to blame

You turned your gaze
From day to the night
Stopped looking out
And turned to inner sight

The fears they grew
As all you thought was you
Crumbled and dissolved
Disappearing from your view

The darkness it got louder
As all that was your past
Fell away from you
Every shackle to the last

The ground you thought you knew
That was your entire world
Became nothing but dust
As the new you unfurled

The seed of freedom
Planted so long ago
In the heart of the caterpillar
Ever so slowly did grow

Compelling it to leave
All it had believed
Surrendering to trust
What it couldn’t see

Asleep to the world
As it became something new
Deep inside the soul
While hidden from our view

The heart began to quicken
Dancing to a new tune
Preparing for rebirth
Like a flower set to bloom

Emerging from the dark
Of the distant past
What was is no more
The old form wasn’t to last

The beauty it unfurled
In the bright sunny light
As wings grew firm and strong
To prepare it for the flight

Poised at the edge
Of all that was known
That which was believed
And thought of as home

Let go of everything
And rise above
On the wings of inspiration
And the breath of love.

The Courage to Speak: Emergence of the Divine Feminine and Soul

The Gift of Not Belonging

Typically we think of not belonging as a negative thing. This is something I have in common with many of my spiritual friends. We either didn’t feel belonging in our family, religion, community, career, school, the planet. There was something different about us.

We see this frequently in fairy tales like Rapunzel, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, or the Handless Maiden, where they are excluded, isolated, or ridiculed which makes the family feel unsafe. Sometimes they contort themselves in the interest of being loved, accepted, and belong. Others just walk away.

As I explored this topic one day, it came to me that not belonging could be seen as a gift. When we belong we are often conforming and get approval for how we fit in to the group. If you don’t, then you might have come to believe there was something wrong with you that needed to be resolved in order to be accepted, loved, and fit in. But sometimes, when we feel we don’t fit in, we question, we probe, we look deeper at who are we really? And that is a good thing.

You might have thought you needed to find “your” people, or place in the world and thus begins the search. How do I connect with my soul tribe, what’s my purpose, where should I live? Where and with whom will I be accepted and belong?

What did the young women do in the fairy tales? They had to learn to honor who they were and not look to those around them to understand their value and who they really were. They went deep. And then they stop listening to the voices of those around them that didn’t honor the truth of who they were and did what they wanted to do. They allowed themselves to shine brightly even in the midst of those who at one time didn’t see them.

Then it came to me. It was all perfect, not belonging, the search and eventually giving up, only to discover I belong to the planet, to the divine, the universe, to life, to love. Not belonging to the tribe, to the place, to the idea of groups rooted in separation in a time when there is great polarity, can open us to belonging to ourselves as an aspect of the One.

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a teacher, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email psalexbus@gmail.com to see how you can utilize the power of dreams and soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.

Finding Home & Belonging

When we listen to stories, we tap into the collective unconscious, a repository for archetypal stories that are like fertilizer for the personal unconscious, nourishing what’s underground, unseen, and unknown. Fertilizing seeds of longing that were planted long ago, and at some point, awakened by your desire. These stories are fodder for your nighttime dreams, which, like a kindly old aunt, are gently prodding you to awaken from the egoic slumber. “Awake my child, to who you really are, the love is inside you, and your light like a star.”

All of life conspires to guide you toward a life that feels like your life and away from the emptiness, the unfulfillment, and that endless longing for something we can’t name. And as such, we aren’t quite sure what to do about it. How to reach it.

How do we define that which we have never known or experienced? How do we articulate something missing for centuries, buried so deep in the unconscious that no one remembers when it lived and breathed and walked with us?

But every once in a while, we encounter that unnamable something, catch a glimpse of it in someone. Yes, there’s something about them… what is it? We can’t really describe, explain, or put our finger on it. What is it? We can’t say for sure but feel it falling as gently as a spring rain upon parched ground, and we know, we know deep inside, we feel it in our bones, “I want that.”

What are we searching for? What’s the longing? Why is the inner child crying endlessly and begging to go home?

For a long time, I was distracted by the outside world. I thought I needed to change my career, so I changed jobs and eventually got a PhD in an entirely new field, but that didn’t make it go away. Then I thought it’s a house, a place in the world, if I could just find it, then I could relax, and she would stop crying. But eventually, I gave that up search too.

It wasn’t until I went in, and went deep, that I discovered I was running from myself. And when I came home, the cacophony of the external world fell silent. I walked through a portal to being. And this stillness grew. The peace like a warm soft blanket around me. That something that felt as though it was missing, that which I longed for for so long, the unnamable, always at the edges, finally burst forth.

And I was home.

I wondered for a long time after meeting my twin flame, how do I get back to that stillness and silence that engulfed me when I was with him. His parting comment was encouragement to, “do my art.” I tried, picture after picture, painting after painting, poems, books, dreams, but that feeling was fleeting, only surfacing for a few moments at a time, then disappearing. It felt buried and I couldn’t figure out how to free it.

Then, I stumbled into it, quite by accident. It was an ordinary day. I almost quit in a moment of guilt for playing on a Monday, but didn’t. It came to me that it wasn’t about greater skill to execute paintings more perfectly, as I had thought it was. But it was about letting myself play, explore, experiment, and follow the whisper of little inklings that surfaced. Use this color, put this here, or there, and it stayed with me into the next day. Drink this, eat that, and I did.

It was like learning how to truly hear. Hear myself. Not just hear but hear and respond. Listen. And the peace wore on. Seeping into my cells. This sense of play, fun, permeating all of my work. I finally felt excited.

This, this, right here, this is where I belong. This is my life.

Pamela Alexander, PhD assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email psalexbus@gmail.com to see how you can utilize the power of dreams and soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.