The Gift of Not Belonging

Typically we think of not belonging as a negative thing. This is something I have in common with many of my spiritual friends. We either didn’t feel belonging in our family, religion, community, career, school, the planet. There was something different about us.

We see this frequently in fairy tales like Rapunzel, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, or the Handless Maiden, where they are excluded, isolated, or ridiculed which makes the family feel unsafe. Sometimes they contort themselves in the interest of being loved, accepted, and belong. Others just walk away.

As I explored this topic one day, it came to me that not belonging could be seen as a gift. When we belong we are often conforming and get approval for how we fit in to the group. If you don’t, then you might have come to believe there was something wrong with you that needed to be resolved in order to be accepted, loved, and fit in. But sometimes, when we feel we don’t fit in, we question, we probe, we look deeper at who are we really? And that is a good thing.

You might have thought you needed to find “your” people, or place in the world and thus begins the search. How do I connect with my soul tribe, what’s my purpose, where should I live? Where and with whom will I be accepted and belong?

What did the young women do in the fairy tales? They had to learn to honor who they were and not look to those around them to understand their value and who they really were. They went deep. And then they stop listening to the voices of those around them that didn’t honor the truth of who they were and did what they wanted to do. They allowed themselves to shine brightly even in the midst of those who at one time didn’t see them.

Then it came to me. It was all perfect, not belonging, the search and eventually giving up, only to discover I belong to the planet, to the divine, the universe, to life, to love. Not belonging to the tribe, to the place, to the idea of groups rooted in separation in a time when there is great polarity, can open us to belonging to ourselves as an aspect of the One.

Pamela Alexander, PhD is a teacher, artist, and writer. She assists clients in the exploration and unearthing of their soul’s longings. They learn to cultivate the wisdom of their dreams, honor their hearts, find deeper meaning, increase stability, and discover purpose. Email psalexbus@gmail.com to see how you can utilize the power of dreams and soul work to live a the life you were meant to live.